THE FIRST SECRET

Authored by: Hani Yus

Edited by: Anwar Mc Noo

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH THE MOST GRACIOUS THE MOST MERCIFUL

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”

- Fyodor Dostoevsky

I’m in the state of confronting my adulthood era. At this age, I start to think about the things that will affect me in my future life when the real deal happens and all the things that I will need to do alone. I'm not saying 'alone' here means us living without anybody. But I mean “alone” is to take care of yourself and your mind to have good principles, to be in stable conditions and able to think with a great mind. All of these cannot be helped much by others and even if they can, the larger percentage comes from myself first. That's why,  in the few years back, I was a bit eager to understand the 'power' that can really hold me strongly and will save me from any fitna or any mischievousness from the dunya.

There are few times, that I thought having a strong position, power or influence in this world can help us to face the reality smoothly in the future. So I started to think of how can I indulge myself more with society, to be funnier, to have more connections, to have more money. Well from that time, I actually already knew that wealth, power and position are not the secrets to someone's happiness. But the world was totally showing that to me. Embarrassingly, I suddenly inclined to be like that while thinking "maybe I just have to be that way".

By that time, I did a mistake by thinking about the world outside and ignoring the world inside of me.

To make the story short, I did try to fulfil that mindset but not for long (thank goodness!). Because I could not go well with it. Really. It was just not right for myself when I was trying to fit into something while missing some part of me. That was what I felt but I was not really sure how to conclude it as a whole perspective yet.

So I tried to take a step, where I let myself be what I was comfortable of being. I let myself feel empty, feel happy, bored, angry, sad, loved at the situations that I faced. I took a good attention to those emotions and acknowledged them, I let myself feel whatever I wanted to feel, I let myself take actions with the mindset that I had even when it included doing mistakes along the way. I observed myself more.

And now, the process is still ongoing but with a clearer motive and a clearer vision. When the world convinced me to follow its so-called patterns, I take a step back and take only what's necessary for me. It might be hard because at some point I do feel outdated or even like I am an outcast to the majority. But when I look deep inside myself, I believe there's much more that I can be beyond this world. There's something in me that I want that the world itself can't give. And now, I want to focus on achieving that 'something'.

To conceal this entry's message, I want to remind my future self (when one day I get back to this post), that YOUR EXISTENCE IS NOT A MISTAKE.

That's the first secret that I hold on to when I observe myself trying to survive this world. All that we have in our minds, our experience, our principles, our flaws, our good sides and everything are worth living.

We just have to find more, improve more, learn more and do more on helping ourselves to accept our reality. We just have to be better and focus on that part. We improve. When you are focusing on what to do with yourself, the rest will come into place soon.

Don't bother our mind trying to position ourselves in this world because we will never be true to ourselves by doing this.

When the time comes, it comes with the right way. And when it doesn't, it only means it will come with a different way.

Remember this first secret I tell you.

Keep it.

Our existence is never a mistake.

P/s: This original version of article has been uploaded at her blog at https://tahoney.wordpress.com/